So many things.

I’m in a weird place.  I feel like I’ve gone from 0 mph to 100 mph.  I like it, it feels more like who I really am and want to be, but I’m also scared.  I don’t always FEEL 100% but I push through.  But, I suppose everyone does?  Actually, as of this writing I’m in a super bad mood. I know it’s temporary, so I’m waiting for the fog to lift and I’m trying very hard not to stew in the juices that set me off in the first place.  Let’s talk about what’s up instead, shall we?

BDC collage

 

I’m creating.  My latest obsession is turning treasured cards into little pieces of art so that I can look at them all the time. I can’t stop, really. They’re so fun to make, and they’re super easy. Love. I’m also constantly making gifts and cards for friends – one of my favorite past times is thinking of the recipient and smiling while I make them a treat.

I’m planning.  I’m finally getting around to getting my new business off the ground. Did you know there are exactly 2,495,917 things to do when you set up a new business? Oh, it’s true. My goal is to launch full throttle early October, so Mama has her work cut out for her. There probably won’t be a lot of sleep involved, but I am beyond excited.  BEYOND.

I’m fun-ning.  I have been a social butterfly of late. Foodie group. Bunco. Book club. Eating gourmet waffles with a girlfriend, having ladies tea with two others.  It’s been nice.

I’m focusing.  At least I’m trying to. I have really been spending a lot of time with myself working on completing tasks, and not jumping from one to another, leaving a pile of half-dones behind me. It feels good, but it’s oh-so-new for me.

It may not seem like it, but it’s all….so many things right now. So, I’m list making. I’m goal setting. I’m trying to just do one thing at a time, as time allows.

It’s a good space to be in.

For the most part.

I just need to be careful not to overwhelm myself. Isn’t that what they refer to as self care?  Yeah, that’s new to me.

I’m self-caring. Checking my vitals now and then.  Everyone should, really.

I’m in a weird place.

Their story is not MY story.

Pratchett-Story-Quote-800wi

A young mother loses her impossibly beautiful baby boy just a few weeks after he’s born from sudden death syndrome.

This amazingly motivational and talented teenager has terminal cancer.

This woman died of cancer shortly after starting a family.

This guy died from a blood clot in his ankle.

A long time married couple called it quits because one of them was bored.

A simple bee sting kills a pregnant mother.

Sad, sad stories all around us. We are bombarded with them everywhere we look, so it’s easy to think OH MY GOD IT’S TRAGEDY ALL AROUND US.

Well yes, tragedy IS all around us, but not right now in my own immediate world. In fact, in my immediate world today is pretty lovely.

IT WILL ALL GO AWAY IN A FLASH.

That’s a great attitude, right? I mean, maybe it WILL, but who’s to say?

What I need to do is to stop reading the stories going around Facebook with titles like: Family tragedy or ANYTHING ABOUT A SICK PERSON.

Because while my heart breaks for those whose story it IS, I’m ALWAYS wondering if it will be my story someday. I can’t live with my head in the sand and think nothing horrible will ever happen to me – and there’s the whole zen of living in the present….but then I think about the people who’s tragedies happened as THEY were living zen in the present. And then boom.

It is life. It is ugly, it is mean sometimes but what I’m trying to remember is that THEIR STORY is not MY STORY, and really MY STORY is the only one I should be concerned about. And to not worry about if I’ll have a similar story to share one day.

How do YOU avoid getting sucked into tragic stories and not making them your own? Please share.

Don’t Overdo

Overdo

Always do your best, but don’t overdo! When you overdo, you deplete your body and go against yourself, and it will take you longer to accomplish your goal.

I saw this picture on The Four Agreements Facebook page, and it hit me kind of hard because the second before I saw it I thought to myself, “My stomach hurts.  But I have so much to do.”  After I stared at it and thought it over, I cancelled my plans for tonight and closed all the windows on my computer except this one to write this post.

I fight with the sense of “overdo” all the time.  When I had my super ugly depression a couple summers ago I didn’t do squat and I regretted it later.  I finally feel like I know what I want to be doing, how to spend my time, what to contribute to my family, myself, the world, and I want to do-do-do.  But I also don’t want stomach aches.  I don’t want to do things when I’m not feeling well because I’m pushing myself too hard.

See you later, To Do List.

I’m going to go lay down.

P.S.  For several nights in a row I’ve dreamt that I keep forgetting to decorate for Christmas.  What does it MEAN?

 

Redecorating my home office.

A few years ago a friend of mine who is a professional organizer came over and helped me get my home office organized.  I loved the work she did (I’m still using a lot of the organizational systems she taught me), but what I did not love after actually WORKING in the office for a few days was that she had moved my gigantic desk underneath the window.  At first I thought, oh how nice!  But when actually working there, I had to dodge the sun in the mornings as it beamed straight in the window and I found myself working there less and less due to the constant glare.

I knew the solution would be to flip the large U-shaped desk around to face the opposite wall, but there were three large bookcases there.  The project just seemed too large to do and I knew I’d need my husband to help me.

FIVE YEARS LATER and ta-da, we finally did it.  I’m posting pictures here because a few friends have asked to see it.  I absolutely love it – all the colors, the brightness of the room (without the glare in my face all day!), how relaxing and calm it all is.  I love working in it.  WIN!

 

Click pictures to make bigger if you want to see detail.

 

Where the work gets done.

Where the work gets done.

 

Gigantic u-shaped desk that I painted and distressed.

Gigantic u-shaped desk that I painted and distressed.

 

WP_20140713_012

The shelves behind me and the window of LIGHT!

 

A closer look at the selves - color, color, color!

A closer look at the selves – color, color, color!

 

For a little added color/interest I papered the back of the shelves.

For a little added color/interest I papered the back of the shelves.

 

Color!

Color!

 

My desk.

My desk.

 

Mr. P protects my office.

Mr. P protects my office.

 

To the left of my desk is my whiteboard usually with my month's tasks outlined for me to check off.

To the left of my desk is my whiteboard usually with my month’s tasks outlined for me to check off.

 

To the right of my desk - I papered this extremely boring cork board and put pink washi tape around the edges.

To the right of my desk – I papered this extremely boring cork board and put pink washi tape around the edges.

 

WP_20140713_005

The file cabinet is in a weird spot but it’s just craft storage. True file storage is in a gigantic lateral file cabinet behind the mysterious green curtain.

 

And of course my office is not complete without a space for my doggie.

And of course my office is not complete without a space for my doggie.

 

The Four Agreements

I recently read The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz  and I am fascinated by the idea of using them as a life guidepost.

The-Four-Agreements

Click to make bigger to read.

Mostly because they gave me (when explained deeper) so many a-ha moments:

I can love everyone the best I can, but I no longer need to spend one more second worrying about what people think of me.

I also can’t explain how FREEING it is to live by these.  It takes a lot of work, but I’ve noticed a huge improvement in my stress levels since implementing them.  Who needs all that emotional poison otherwise?

Sometimes, I have trouble with these four agreements.  Especially when someone says or does something to me that CLEARLY is made personal AND is impossible NOT to jump to assumptions about.  When that happens, my husband says I should just practice #5:  Shut the hell up.  Well now, that makes sense.

There’s a prayer in the book that I just love.  I love it SO much that I actually typed it up, printed it and I read it aloud every morning.  What a fantastic way to start the day.

PRAYER FOR FREEDOM
Today, Creator of the Universe, I ask that you come to me and share with me a strong communion of love.  I know that your real name is Love, that to have a communion with you means to share the same vibration, the same frequency that you are, because you are the only thing that exists in the universe.
Today, help me to be like you are, to love life, to be life, to be love.  Help me to love the way you love, with no conditions, no expectations, no obligations, without any judgment.  Help me to love and accept myself without any judgment, because when I judge myself I find myself guilty and need to be punished.
Help me to love everything you create unconditionally, especially other human beings, especially those who live around me – all my relatives and people who I try so hard to love.  Because when I reject them, I reject myself, I reject you.
Help me to love others the way they are with no conditions.  Help me to accept them the way they are, without judgment, because if I judge them, I find them guilty, I blame them, and I have the need to punish them.
Today, clean my heart of any emotional poison that I have, free my mind from any judgment so that I can live in complete peace and complete love.
Today is a very special day.  Today I open my heart to love again so that I can tell others “I love you” without fear, and really mean it.  Today, I offer myself to you.  Come to me, use my voice, use my eyes, use my hands and use my heart to share myself in a communion of love with everyone.  Today, Creator, help me to be just like you are.  Thank you for everything that I receive this day, especially for the freedom to be who I really am.

Amen.

What about you?  Have you read The Four Agreements?  What did you think?